gum-arabic said: i like u
I like u too.
in this one I’m Ed and ur Edd that’s us
I appreciate that.
I’m glad I’m not alone in that sense, and I wish people like me the best of luck.
My problem is I don’t try to push people away, which is what makes it hurt me so much. That just by being myself people decide they don’t want me around anymore. People change on both ends, but the notion that me being me could make someone hate me is kind of sad.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not so naive to think everyone is going to like me. Some people JUST DON’T LIKE YOU no matter what you do.
It’s having someone like you and then decide they don’t anymore that stings.
My lack of human contact I think stems primarily from the fact that I feel lonely 99% of the time and other people have lives that I don’t expect them to drop just to lift my spirits.
This is why I’m scared I’m not going to have a good relationship either. How can I be there for someone if I can’t be there for myself, and what if I drive everyone away?
What if I have driven many potential suitors away? I wouldn’t doubt it.
Don’t let them in.
Don’t let them see.
Be the good dad you always have to be.
Conceal, don’t feel. Put on a show.
Make one wrong move and everyone will know.
person: you should be more confident!
me: well thanks! golly gee you’ve made my near crippling self hatred just disappear! why didn’t I think about that!!!
It’s no fun talking to a person who is always a downer too, so I feel no ire.
It’s no fun talking to someone who always screams ‘I am bored. Entertain me.’ so I feel no betrayal.
Those who don’t know what to say will always return to you when you’re happy again. It isn’t right to put them in awkward situations like that.
That’s why I’m often fine dealing with my own emotional crisis, when no one is able to come to me. They shouldn’t feel obligated to, and I genuinely don’t expect them to.
Voicing my discomfort is sort of a personal signal that I’m still actually alive and feeling, and while I’m not trying to be morbid about it it is definitely the truth.
If I remember I am myself I get sad.
If I complain and mope about it, I know I’m still alive.
I sit with this sadness, be it a sulk, a cry, a numbness, or an entire meltdown, and eventually it passes. Sometimes not before I slumber, but other times I get lucky. I forget myself and am happy again.
The cycle continues
Don’t feel obligated to like me or cheer me up. With my attitude I’ll never stay happy
what human truly does, and changing this attitude has been my struggle for the past several years.
It’s a bit pitiful that I am much better at dealing with misery than the year prior, when this is how I deal with it.
silverlullaby said: Well, take my word for it. You’re very lovable. And you should definitely love you, too.
I’m genuinely glad other people love me so much.
As hard as I try to love myself it never seems to last, and even when I do thinking about it makes it feel less genuine.
Maybe that’s why I adore characters that remind me of myself. If I can’t love me I can love someone who makes me think of me.
It’s a substitute, but it’s better than nothing.
Only fictional ones my dear anon.
I don’t really know any kids tbh.
Hell I barely get human in-person interaction these days unless I press hard for it.
silverlullaby said: WELL, I myself am VERY interesting so I should know. (You’re crazy talented and brilliant on top of just being fun to talk to, plus everything you post is gold. Ain’t no trick, just the truth)
OH WHY MUST IT BE SO HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT SUCH A SIMPLE TRUTH?
I wish I could love me like other people do.
I get like this a lot.
I start out all pumped and excited and ‘oh man this day is going to be great’
Then I get bored. I try to distract myself and do fun things, but it doesn’t work.
So I’m stuck here thinking about myself no matter how hard I try to avoid it.
Then I start hating myself.
Then these awful tumblr posts happen.
But thank you very much for the sweet ask!
silverlullaby said: You ARE someone interesting, silly.
THEN TRICK ME INTO BELIEVING IT MISSY.
wonderfulmika said: you’re very interesting!!! :3 With all your lovely arts and your comics and your ideas and your thoughts on cool stuff and aaaaa ur amazing o3o
Your powers of deception are not working friend.
(No but thank you kindly)
I picked some of my favorite sketches from the other day and colored them. But I got a little lazy halfway through so I kind of didn’t finish. Ooops.